Unintentional Prophecy Sunday, May 11 2008

Clearly all names in this blog have been changed to protect the guilty. Coming up with aliases for friends and dates and other assorted people is sometimes easy and sometimes not. And now I’m learning that it is sometimes prophetic.

When I named Mr.Big it was for reasons that had nothing to do with Carrie Bradshaw. It was actually something else all together that made me giggle even as I typed it that first time. I know that’s not what everyone expects, but it’s true. But recently I’m finding that Mr. Big’s alias may just be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

At night as I drift off to sleep, I tend to watch Sex and The City since it’s on cable now. Yes, I am just that girly. And the other night I was watching the episode where Carrie goes on her book tour to San Francisco and meets Mr. Big again for what she hopes will be a night of hot passion. Except he has read her book and is suddenly disturbed at how badly he’s hurt her. He never knew, he said.

And I stopped and thought about all the times Carrie went back to him. And all the times he unknowingly hurt her. And all the pain he caused her through the length of that TV series. And for about the 100th time that day, I started to cry.

I cried because I’ve been hurting for a while and I haven’t been acknowledging it. I cried because I thought I should leave my own Mr. Big but I also knew I lacked the courage to walk away right now. I cried because I knew I loved him and I didn’t know how he felt at all. I cried because I let it get this far.

And then I cried some more. I cried because at the end of that seven year TV series, in the very last episode, Carrie gets her Mr. Big. They end up together. And I cried because that gives me a twisted sense of prophetic hope. Then I cried because of how stupid that all is.

Mr. Big is truly my Mr. Big. I know that. What I don’t know is if we have the happy ending in store for us. And I can’t decide if I have the strength to wait and see. But right now I lack the strength to walk away.

What I didn’t know as I laid there crying is that things are on the verge of change for us. There is more to come in this story. But that is for another entry.

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The Philosopher - Part 2 Thursday, May 8 2008

Over the coming weeks, The Philosopher would text message me randomly before disappearing again. Mostly the conversations degraded quickly into some kind of sexy talk and I would try to redirect, deflect, or just terminate the conversation all together. It was clear what the Philosopher wanted and it definitely wasn’t more than a roll in the hay. He spent much time trying to convince me our next date should be at my place, in front of my fireplace. I knew that was badly disguised code for “I’m not going out with you again unless you give up the goods.” I agreed to nothing.

He came back in town about a month after that first date. I had had my limit of the sexy talk and the blatant goal setting he was attempting to do. I bluntly asked him why he was so determined. He bluntly answered why not. I rather bluntly told him it wasn’t ever going to happen. Alas, this story would not be so long if I’d stuck to my guns.

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The Philosopher - Part 1 Wednesday, May 7 2008

So I promised you the story of The Philosopher and by golly you shall have it.

I met him over Yahoo personals. He seemed quirky and reasonably good looking and we started to email back and forth. It was a rather odd email exchange where we discussed mundane things but also poked a healthy amount of fun at each other. Finally we set a time to meet. But the day we were to meet, The Philosopher emailed to say he had a job offer in North Carolina and was moving right away. He was worried about packing and was distracted and wanted to give our date his full attention. He assured me he would be back in the area often and he wasn’t blowing me off. I didn’t hear from him for roughly a month. I forgot I’d given him my phone number.

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Something in the air Friday, May 2 2008

There is something in the air here at One Date Wonderland, and I would seriously like to find something that will kill it. But, at least it makes for fun stories!

First it was my ex-husband. He reappeared and started trying to get back in touch to be “friends”. There some some blather about how it had been a year, tough choices were made, he was second-guessing. It was all very vomit-worthy. The third time I sent him packing I thought he was gone. (Especially since I told him he was being extremely rude to his live-in girlfriend of almost a year.) Until he IMed me a few days later. For the record? I simply ignored it.

Then it was The Philosopher. I think I have neglected to tell our story here, so I will save that for another time. Just know that we have been back and forth since November, although after a bad bedroom incident, I stopped communication. Still, he calls. Last night, he called. I am not responding.

Also last night, The Insinuator returned! He started IMing me, and I seriously could not be bothered to even answer. This is how the one-sided exchange proceeded:

Him: Hi Jane long time no hear, how are you?
Him: I hope you still remember me
Him: hope you are not ignoring me… I just want to say hello, thats all
Him: ok bye then

Yes, bye then. Please don’t come back.

Are we quite finished now? Because I truly could not be less interested in any of these men. Fascinating how I could have an unattractive, passive aggressive guy who’s bad in bed any day of the week. But a real live decent man? Yeah right. Anyway, pass the Lysol. Or something.

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The Possible Prince - Episode 2 Wednesday, Apr 30 2008

Yesterday morning our princess awoke and indeed sent a brief message to her possible prince. She kept it short and simple, referencing their conversation, telling him she enjoyed their chat, passing him her normal email address, and telling him she hoped to hear from him soon. She hit send and shrugged. Come what may.

The princess had made up her mind that the possible prince was also possibly not a prince. She had decided the story would probably end quickly. Best to be pessimistic in these endeavors anyway.

Today, the possible prince wrote back. Our princess quickly drafted a reply and then agonized over whether or send it right away or play coy. With some advice from a neighboring kingdom in hand, the princess did not play coy and instead responded when she was ready. She did not expect to hear from him anytime soon though.

Imagine our princess’s surprise when the possible prince sent her several emails all in the same day! What’s next, the princess wondered…

Indeed, what is next? For the answer to this question and more, stay tuned for the next episode of The Possible Prince.

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The Possible Prince Tuesday, Apr 29 2008

Once upon a time, there was a lovely princess. She had everything she needed in life except her prince. She searched high, and she searched low, but still the prince eluded her. In a final effort to find him, our princess turned to online dating. She posted ads hither and yon, but nary a prince was found. One day, despite her better judgment, she even posted an ad on CraigsList.

Much to her surprise a princely candidate answered this ad! In her excitement, she responded rapidly to his message and even sent pictures. But alas, our possible prince disappeared. Or did he?

Then one day, our princess was feeling blue over an unexplainable incident with the undead. She innocently perused yet another dating site, and lo what should she see but the possible prince! Did her eyes decieve her, or had fate thrown him in her path once again? In her weakened state, she contacted the possible prince and then she waited. And she waited. And she waited.

A whole week went by and our princess had all but forgotten about her possible prince. One morning, while innocently checking her messages, what should appear but a reply! From the possible prince! And so a slow motion email exchange began.

This went on fora week or three when the possible prince requested the princess’s phone number, which she gladly provided. But then a dark time set upon the kingdom and the possible prince disappeared yet again. A week went by and nothing. 4 more days passed…. and then, there was contact. The possible prince has been on vacation but promised to call that night.

The princess was skeptical. She eyed her phone warily but did not get excited. The night the hours wore on and her phone remained silent. The possible prince was nowhere to be found. And just as our princess was settling in to watch a new episode of House, it rang. The possible prince had called.

They talked, they laughed, they did not hang up for over an hour. Much fun was had. But eventually, the possible prince had to prepare for another day of work in his kingdom and our princess needed her beauty sleep. They parted ways with no date set and no promise of future contact.

The princess was confused. She slept on it and decided to email her possible prince in the morning and thank him for the fun conversation. And now she waits again.

Will the possible prince answer her email? Will he call again? Will he actually ask her out? Stay tuned for the next episode of….. The Possible Prince!

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The L Word Monday, Apr 28 2008

Let me paint you a picture here. A boy and a girl have been dating for several months. They have also been doing the deed. The L word has been completely absent up until this point. One day, casually in conversation (about body image, if that’s relevant) the boy says “I absolutely love the way you look.” The girl blinks, but thinks nothing more. A few days later during a conversation about decidedly naughty things together, the boy says “I love our time together.” Th girl blinks again, and thoughts fly.

Few things are so loaded as the word “love” when you’re with a member of the opposite sex. It is often entirely avoided. It is occasionally used to test the waters. And admittedly sometimes it is thrown around because someone doesn’t understand the strength of it. In my not so humble experience, it is often regarded as a freaky mine field by the female mind.

Here is a little guide for the boys, in case you didn’t already know.

• You most definitely can use it too soon and freak us out. This usually occurs more often as we get older and more cautious. It is also directly related to how googly-eyed we are over you. However in the wrong situation, it can cause immediate fleeing.
• You can also most definitely use it too late. We will eventually get tired of you being deeply in like with us and we will also flee.
• We reserve the right to over-analyze your use of this word at all times. Be aware that any time it is dropped into conversation in any relation to us, we will probably kick into overdrive. Let me demonstrate. “I love the Red Sox” will not make us blink. “I love our time together” makes us wonder if you are trying to tell us something else. We will then poke this situation from every angle, ask for advice from multiple people, and generally rip our hair out until you find a way to rectify this problem.
• The only solution to the above dilemma that will actually stop the hair pulling is to tell us you love us.
• And finally, much like we want you to ask us out and we want you to pick up the check, we want you to say it first. Most of us have put ourselves out on the line more than once and gotten the curt “Thank you” or worse yet “That’s nice”. We realize you may have too. But in our little girly hearts, we still want you to take the leap. Chances are if you are stable (as in not psycho), we have been dating for a while, and things are still going well? We will answer you with something that isn’t going to make you secretly want to vomit.

As with any dating rules, there will be exceptions. But for the most part, the L word is to be used with great caution and the complete understanding that we will pick apart any conversation in which it appears. Please proceed with caution, ok?

I would love to see the male counterpart to this conversation.

**For the record, yes I am participating in the general crazy making at this time. I would like to imagine that I’ve been restrained about it. I would also like to imagine that the whole scenario is indicative of a deep and lasting feeling Mr. Big has for me. Unfortunately, I cannot allow myself to imagine that or the crazy making will deepen. So I am generally trying to ignore it. Mostly. Sort of.

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Walk away Friday, Apr 25 2008

Due to maintenance issues, my apartment became very uncomfortable for me tonight. Mr. Big and I were discussing the situation and he kept apolgizing to me. To which I kept telling him this was not his fault. Then finally he told me he knew, but he just felt like I would be more comfortable at his place.

Me: I didn’t ask. I know better.
Him: that’s why I’m sorry.

I had to walk away.

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It’s Over Wednesday, Apr 23 2008

It is time for a confession.

I have an incredible soft spot for anyone who can sing. Looks are secondary, personality is even somewhat secondary. Just….. sing to me.

Having said that, you will still surely judge me for this next confession. Still, I can’t help myself. It’s true. And since you don’t actually know who I am, I feel safe telling you this.

Once upon a time, in a far away place….. Clay Aiken was my secret boyfriend. So secret in fact, that he was unaware of the situation. We were happy for a time you see. Until tonight.

Dude is in Spamalot. And he’s BLONDE. Our relationship had its ups and downs, and we’d been struggling lately since he’d been so quiet. But after this revelation, I had to break up with him. I’m sorry to say, he may never recover.

In fact, I predict he will turn to men now, as I have clearly ruined him for all other women. That is all.

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Roller coaster Friday, Apr 18 2008

This week I had a lunch date with Mr. Big. It is the first time since our first few dates roughly five months ago that we have met with absolutely no intention of doing anything but eating lunch. And furthermore, that’s all we did. It was actually sweet. Ironically, all hell broke loose afterwards.

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