Drive Me Crazy Thursday, Jan 31 2008

Okay, so I spend a lot of time poking fun at the ridiculous things men do on these online dating sites. Today I will poke fun at myself in the name of women everywhere. The question is, why oh why must we over-analyze everything?

A guy looks me in the eye and tells me what his deal is. This happens to me often because I have a nasty habit of just asking or pressing the situation so I can find this little bit of information out. Maybe he tells me it’s just about the sex. Or maybe he says he’s just looking for friends right now. But the point is, I asked and he answered. That should be a pretty straightforward transaction, right?

Then why oh why must I constantly second guess him? Here is a little picture of what goes through my mind:

If he just wants to be friends, then why is he rubbing my shoulders like that? That’s not a very friendly signal. Only guys who are flirting rub shoulders. And, you know, he hugs me every time we see each other. And he does a lot of casual touching. Maybe he’s just a touchy feely kind of guy and he’s just comfortable with me because we’re buds. Or maybe he really meant right now and right now is over and he wants more. You know, this shoulder rub feels really nice, let me tell him. Oooooooh…. now he’s doing it more. That’s nice. This is definitely not friendly. Or is it?

See? see what I did there? I’ll tell you what I did there. I drove myself nuts by not taking what he said at absolute face value. I know that is a dumb chick thing to do. So then why can I not seem to stop myself?

Or am I on to something??? (SEE???)

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Want to date my cat? Tuesday, Jan 29 2008

This one is new to me. I’ve been talking to a guy in email for a week or so. Long enough to share some truly useless minutiae and not much more, you know? He asks about pets so I tell him about my two cats, and how I’m trying to find a new home for one of them. It’s a rough process because I’m not placing this kitty just anywhere and I am not getting the right kind of response for him.

The guy asked to adopt my cat. And he meant it. And what’s more, he seriously seemed to believe I would go for it.

As if. I’m not even sure if I’ll go on a date with him yet, let alone entrust the health and safety of a beloved animal with him. Seriously. He actually seemed disappointed when I politely declined.

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A Real Confession Tuesday, Jan 29 2008

You know, it’s easy to be flip and cheeky about dating do’s and don’ts and the funny things that happen out there. There is a lot to poke at, to be sure. But sometimes, even a One Date Wonder (or especially one) can get a bit melancholy about the whole thing.

As a single gal in my 30s, sometimes the whole thing is just scary. I mean, I have a good life. I have a stable job, a great apartment, and I can afford what I need and most of what I want in life. I have a supportive network of fabulous family and friends who I thank my lucky stars for every single day. But every single day when I’m doing that? I’m alone.

The truth is that I hate going to bed alone night after night. I could be flip about sex here, but that’s not what I mean. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life dating and coming home at night to a cat and an empty bed. I want to share my life with someone. And even this sarcastic chick doesn’t want to be alone.

I joke about not settling and not sacrificing, and it’s true that I’m picky. I’m scared of repeating the disaster of divorce. If I ever try to settle down again, I want to be sure it will last. I want to be sure I’m not making the same mistakes I’ve made in the past. I want to be sure my future won’t hold another painful split up. So I’m selective. I’m easily turned off. I’m fast to run away. I’m protective of my heart and my life. And it’s easy to make that funny, but maybe it’s not as entertaining when you see it this way.

The thing you rarely see and that I’ll rarely share is that sometimes I cry myself to sleep. I cry because my life wasn’t supposed to be this way. And I cry because I’m afraid this may be all I ever have. And while I know that if this life is the best it gets than I’m pretty damn lucky, I still feel just a little sad and empty inside.

Go figure, even a notorious One Date Wonder has feelings and dreams. And some days I think it might just be easier if I didn’t.

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Stalkeriffic Friday, Jan 25 2008

Okay, apparently my brush off method for this guy was just not going to work. Two days after he asked me if work had calmed down (amusing because I never said work was the reason for me being busy in the first place), he felt the need to respond to my lack of response. I got a message simply saying:

I’ll take it that it is a “no.”

In a last ditch effort to save this man some dignity, I told him I thought I was ready for a relationship again but am not. Instead of saying “It’s not you, it’s me” I demonstrated it. I felt this was probably kinder than pointing out that it was most definitely him after all. If this does not ward this guy off once and for all, I am going to have to start filing his emails straight to the trash bin.

Ladies, why is it always the guy you don’t want who does all this, while the guy you do want couldn’t be less interested? Murphy’s law or something?

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Listen up! Thursday, Jan 24 2008

The Manchild has a new con. He does not listen.

I said I don’t do horror movies of any variety. He said we should go see Cloverfield and he’ll protect me in the theater.

Here’s a newsflash: that won’t happen. Why? See my original statement. Big strong man arms will not make me like horror movies. Any more than they would make me like broccoli.

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Mixed Signals Thursday, Jan 24 2008

The Friend is the master of mixed signals. Today he sends me this comic about men and dating. Totally unprovoked.

Other mixed signals include rubbing my shoulders, sharing confidences he doesn’t tell other people, telling me he is thinking about dating again soon, and then telling me he could never marry someone who works at our company.

I may not be doing a good job of explaining, but trust me here. I’m not a moron and the man is throwing off some seriously mixed signals. I really wish he’d pick one side or the other.

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Stalked again Wednesday, Jan 23 2008

The Stalker resurfaced last night. At this point, I’m almost wondering where this man’s self esteem has gone. I blew him off rather abruptly last week. I told him I was too busy to even make a simple phone call or write an email. And I actually fussed him a bit for blaming my cat for his sudden and very strange ongoing sick-like symptoms. He never even sees me online anymore because I blocked him everywhere. And yet…

Last night he emailed. Why? Why to tell me he has pink eye, of course. After accusing both me and my cat of getting him sick, it turns out he has pink eye. Sexy.

It was everything I could do not to fire back an “I told you so.” But any contact would just be encouraging at this point. So silent I remain. Do you think he’ll get the hint this time?

I really hope so.

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Deleted! Tuesday, Jan 22 2008

The email:

hey how r u doing? u r hot:D

The response? Instant deletion. This is not a text message folks, it’s a first impression. And this first impression? Was bad bad bad. No second chance for you.

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The Manchild Tuesday, Jan 22 2008

The Manchild is a sneaky dating type. You may have reservations about this or that regarding their character, but they have their pluses. Mine seems to be intelligent and attentive, which are both traits that rank high on my attraction meter. I am having this bizarre extended email exchange with him. Extended because it’s been a month or so now. Bizarre because we have yet to meet.

But I know he is The Manchild so I have doubts about the meeting at all. See, despite all attentiveness (which we know knocks me right over) he also tends towards the corny. We will have several normal emails. Then I will find one full of unfounded smush about how his weekend will be perfect if only he gets an email or two from me. Insert a few weird comments about radiant beauty or some other such nonsense and you have found the root of my hesitation. Compliments, as we have established, get me every time. But there is a caveat to my weakness. (Okay, a second caveat, as we have already found one in The Stalker.) They must hit home as being sincere. The random corny line? Borders on repulsive for me.

The Manchild sent me a corn-laden missive about a week ago and I just stopped responding. Either he caught on, or he is just that persistent, as yesterday I got a much more down to earth conversational email which completely ignored the fact that I had attempted to blow him off. As this type will do, it took me off guard and I answered as if nothing had happened. This is probably how The Manchild gets all his dates. All I know is that this type will never get the first move out of me. He will have to ask, plan, and execute to get the date.

Let’s see if he makes it.

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Lookie lookie! Sunday, Jan 20 2008

I cant even remember where I saw it now, but I found Twitter. Anyway, I’m still figuring out how to use it, but come follow if you want the quick and dirty (!) updates on my life.

OneDateWonder on Twitter!

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