The Possible Prince – Episode 2 Wednesday, Apr 30 2008

Yesterday morning our princess awoke and indeed sent a brief message to her possible prince. She kept it short and simple, referencing their conversation, telling him she enjoyed their chat, passing him her normal email address, and telling him she hoped to hear from him soon. She hit send and shrugged. Come what may.

The princess had made up her mind that the possible prince was also possibly not a prince. She had decided the story would probably end quickly. Best to be pessimistic in these endeavors anyway.

Today, the possible prince wrote back. Our princess quickly drafted a reply and then agonized over whether or send it right away or play coy. With some advice from a neighboring kingdom in hand, the princess did not play coy and instead responded when she was ready. She did not expect to hear from him anytime soon though.

Imagine our princess’s surprise when the possible prince sent her several emails all in the same day! What’s next, the princess wondered…

Indeed, what is next? For the answer to this question and more, stay tuned for the next episode of The Possible Prince.

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The Possible Prince Tuesday, Apr 29 2008

Once upon a time, there was a lovely princess. She had everything she needed in life except her prince. She searched high, and she searched low, but still the prince eluded her. In a final effort to find him, our princess turned to online dating. She posted ads hither and yon, but nary a prince was found. One day, despite her better judgment, she even posted an ad on CraigsList.

Much to her surprise a princely candidate answered this ad! In her excitement, she responded rapidly to his message and even sent pictures. But alas, our possible prince disappeared. Or did he?

Then one day, our princess was feeling blue over an unexplainable incident with the undead. She innocently perused yet another dating site, and lo what should she see but the possible prince! Did her eyes decieve her, or had fate thrown him in her path once again? In her weakened state, she contacted the possible prince and then she waited. And she waited. And she waited.

A whole week went by and our princess had all but forgotten about her possible prince. One morning, while innocently checking her messages, what should appear but a reply! From the possible prince! And so a slow motion email exchange began.

This went on fora week or three when the possible prince requested the princess’s phone number, which she gladly provided. But then a dark time set upon the kingdom and the possible prince disappeared yet again. A week went by and nothing. 4 more days passed…. and then, there was contact. The possible prince has been on vacation but promised to call that night.

The princess was skeptical. She eyed her phone warily but did not get excited. The night the hours wore on and her phone remained silent. The possible prince was nowhere to be found. And just as our princess was settling in to watch a new episode of House, it rang. The possible prince had called.

They talked, they laughed, they did not hang up for over an hour. Much fun was had. But eventually, the possible prince had to prepare for another day of work in his kingdom and our princess needed her beauty sleep. They parted ways with no date set and no promise of future contact.

The princess was confused. She slept on it and decided to email her possible prince in the morning and thank him for the fun conversation. And now she waits again.

Will the possible prince answer her email? Will he call again? Will he actually ask her out? Stay tuned for the next episode of….. The Possible Prince!

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The L Word Monday, Apr 28 2008

Let me paint you a picture here. A boy and a girl have been dating for several months. They have also been doing the deed. The L word has been completely absent up until this point. One day, casually in conversation (about body image, if that’s relevant) the boy says “I absolutely love the way you look.” The girl blinks, but thinks nothing more. A few days later during a conversation about decidedly naughty things together, the boy says “I love our time together.” Th girl blinks again, and thoughts fly.

Few things are so loaded as the word “love” when you’re with a member of the opposite sex. It is often entirely avoided. It is occasionally used to test the waters. And admittedly sometimes it is thrown around because someone doesn’t understand the strength of it. In my not so humble experience, it is often regarded as a freaky mine field by the female mind.

Here is a little guide for the boys, in case you didn’t already know.

• You most definitely can use it too soon and freak us out. This usually occurs more often as we get older and more cautious. It is also directly related to how googly-eyed we are over you. However in the wrong situation, it can cause immediate fleeing.
• You can also most definitely use it too late. We will eventually get tired of you being deeply in like with us and we will also flee.
• We reserve the right to over-analyze your use of this word at all times. Be aware that any time it is dropped into conversation in any relation to us, we will probably kick into overdrive. Let me demonstrate. “I love the Red Sox” will not make us blink. “I love our time together” makes us wonder if you are trying to tell us something else. We will then poke this situation from every angle, ask for advice from multiple people, and generally rip our hair out until you find a way to rectify this problem.
• The only solution to the above dilemma that will actually stop the hair pulling is to tell us you love us.
• And finally, much like we want you to ask us out and we want you to pick up the check, we want you to say it first. Most of us have put ourselves out on the line more than once and gotten the curt “Thank you” or worse yet “That’s nice”. We realize you may have too. But in our little girly hearts, we still want you to take the leap. Chances are if you are stable (as in not psycho), we have been dating for a while, and things are still going well? We will answer you with something that isn’t going to make you secretly want to vomit.

As with any dating rules, there will be exceptions. But for the most part, the L word is to be used with great caution and the complete understanding that we will pick apart any conversation in which it appears. Please proceed with caution, ok?

I would love to see the male counterpart to this conversation.

**For the record, yes I am participating in the general crazy making at this time. I would like to imagine that I’ve been restrained about it. I would also like to imagine that the whole scenario is indicative of a deep and lasting feeling Mr. Big has for me. Unfortunately, I cannot allow myself to imagine that or the crazy making will deepen. So I am generally trying to ignore it. Mostly. Sort of.

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Walk away Friday, Apr 25 2008

Due to maintenance issues, my apartment became very uncomfortable for me tonight. Mr. Big and I were discussing the situation and he kept apolgizing to me. To which I kept telling him this was not his fault. Then finally he told me he knew, but he just felt like I would be more comfortable at his place.

Me: I didn’t ask. I know better.
Him: that’s why I’m sorry.

I had to walk away.

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It’s Over Wednesday, Apr 23 2008

It is time for a confession.

I have an incredible soft spot for anyone who can sing. Looks are secondary, personality is even somewhat secondary. Just….. sing to me.

Having said that, you will still surely judge me for this next confession. Still, I can’t help myself. It’s true. And since you don’t actually know who I am, I feel safe telling you this.

Once upon a time, in a far away place….. Clay Aiken was my secret boyfriend. So secret in fact, that he was unaware of the situation. We were happy for a time you see. Until tonight.

Dude is in Spamalot. And he’s BLONDE. Our relationship had its ups and downs, and we’d been struggling lately since he’d been so quiet. But after this revelation, I had to break up with him. I’m sorry to say, he may never recover.

In fact, I predict he will turn to men now, as I have clearly ruined him for all other women. That is all.

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Roller coaster Friday, Apr 18 2008

This week I had a lunch date with Mr. Big. It is the first time since our first few dates roughly five months ago that we have met with absolutely no intention of doing anything but eating lunch. And furthermore, that’s all we did. It was actually sweet. Ironically, all hell broke loose afterwards.

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He said/She said Thursday, Apr 17 2008

Here is the gist of an actual exchange, with some questionable grammar and terrible attempts at humor (his, not mine) removed.

Boy: Want to meet at a comedy club in DC sometime?

Girl: I don’t really drive into DC at all. Do you have any ideas for activities outside of DC?

Boy: Oh I don’t drive, I take the metro.

Girl: …

Need I tell you I never emailed again? I realize I used the word “drive”, but I also carefully asked if we could plan an activity not in DC. (I deliberately left that open for him so he could have the freedom to choose something else he might enjoy.) He absolutely refuses to acknowledge that. Therefore I absolutely refuse to go out with him.

Moral of the story: Attempting to bend someone to your will when trying to arrange a first date will result in no date at all.

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Boozin’ Bloggers Night Out Wednesday, Apr 16 2008

So I teased earlier with a little recap of my girl date with the fabulous Cathrinette Singleton. I even posted a picture. I want you to understand though, what happened to that picture was necessary. We were simply that hot. It was barely manageable. I did it for your protection, honestly. Seriously, the other people at the bar hardly knew what to do. The bartenders were drawn to us. It was clearly quite a situation. Just know I tried to spare you all from the danger.

We did start at the Chesapeake Wine Company, but that was just a wine tasting warm up. The main dish was at three… Okay, the main cocktails and the main dish. Mainly the three… cocktail and one of the hottest men I’ve ever encountered, Cool Hand Luke (CHL). Mmmmm…. hot man and fabulous drinks. I wasn’t sure which one I liked more. Okay, that is a wee exaggeration. Definitely the man.

I also need to tell you that I met the fatastic Lola as well. She fit right in with our hotness and we made quite the trio sitting at the bar. And thankfully, unlike some of the other patrons, we were not dressed like scary triplets. Because seriously, who does that???

I would also like to point out that none of us ordered a Natty Boh. That’s right, apparently that needs to be said. As we were sitting there chatting up Cool Hand Luke, we saw what I can only describe as drunken little teenyboppers at the end of the bar. The girls were grabbing at each other and pretending to offer girl-on-girl action to get the bartender’s attention. (Which totally didn’t work by the way!) When he finally did go over and tell them all about the fabulous specialty martinis they had that evening, the bleach blonde of the bunch struck her cutest pose (which totally wasn’t) and ordered a Natty freakin’ Boh. Seriously. Luckily they left soon after.

After that my evening was a blur of incredible cocktails, 5 million trips to the bathroom (Was Catherinette feeding me all that water to keep me from getting a hangover or to keep me away from the bartenders???), and tons of laughter. And with some quick hugs goodbye, we piled back into Catherinette’s car and headed back to mine.

And as we were approaching the garage where I had parked, we saw it. The single funniest thing I’d seen all night. Catherinette blurted out “That guy is peeing!”. And he was. He was totally standing next to his car in the middle of a mostly empty parking lot, just letting it all go. We both looked and snickered, then rounded the next corner. And as we did, we saw his girlfriend, sitting in the passenger seat of the car laughing her ass off. Too funny.

We both made it safely home that night. The next morning I sent a text to my new girl friend saying simply “Aside from the 5 MILLION times I peed in the middle of the night, I’m fine. No cocktail flu here. Hope you’re good too.”

And you better believe we’ll be doing it all again soon.

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New Dating Rule! Tuesday, Apr 15 2008

I have a new dating rule. That’s right, even seasoned One Date Wonders can learn new tricks of the trade. But after some personal experience and careful analysis of conversations with other women, I have developed this new important dating tenet: Once you have broken up with someone, DO NOT EVER GO BACK!

It doesn’t matter who did the breaking up. It doesn’t matter why. Once it’s over, it’s over. Walk away. Don’t look back. And for the love of Pete, do not make excuses. Do not foster illusions. Do not create little fantasies in your head about how you really can live happily ever after. It happened for a reason. Accept that and walk away. Trust me, this is the only way to retain sanity.

How did I learn this lovely little lesson? Well, you’d think the second divorce would have taught me. We had been engaged, broken it off, then got re-engaged and married. Clearly that did not end well. But no… that apparently was not sufficient. What it took to teach me this lesson once and for all was that combined with…… zombie guy.

That’s right, zombie guy. He broke it off once and I didn’t let it go. I poked it until he came back around. I held onto him. I had little fantasies about what a fun time we could have. I may have, at one point, envisioned tiny little zombies of my own. That is, right up until Sunday morning when he started to tell me all about this girl he’s been seeing and how he really likes her. I cut him off and killed the conversation. I think we both understood the problem after a moment. He apologized. So did I. We haven’t spoken since.

Am I happy? No. will I be okay? Yes. Do I have visions of future sleepovers with him? Not really. I’ve wised up. I’m walking away. No more zombie guy. Just simply….. no more. I am killing this undead chapter of my dating life once and for all.

(I just wish it didn’t sting like this. Because we barely knew each other. And yet…. this one burns just a little.)

So let me reiterate this all important lesson one more time. Because at some point in any single gal’s life, we will all contemplate the validity of this rule. We will all flirt with breaking it. Most of us even will. But it will not end well… in fact most horrible break up stories start when you get back together with your ex. So seriously. Just don’t.

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Saturday Night Sunday, Apr 13 2008

It’s been a while, but I had a date last night. A date with someone new. I was really excited too. I just knew that we were going to hit it off and have a fabulous time together. I stressed over what to wear, I did my makeup super carefully. I primped and fussed and was generally nervous. Because this was not just any date. This was a girl date with none other than the fabulous Catherinette Singleton of Bridget Jones Has Nothing on Me.

Honestly it’s a miracle the entire metropolis of Baltimore did not implode due to the fantastic force of the two of us combined. Seriously, we are just that fabulous. It was obvious to everyone around us. We are hot, single, and together there is no cocktail we can’t conquer. People are still talking about it. Especially that one bartender…. but I digress.

Anyway, I want to write about it more, but right now I have an exclusive just for all of you. I mean, obviously Catherinette and I are not exactly blogging under our true identities here. (Seriously, you don’t think my name is actually Jane Wonder, right?) Right. But I have here an absolute exclusive just for you. A REAL PICTURE OF US as seen last night. It’s an absolute exclusive, never before seen…. blahblahblah. Right after the cut, just for you.

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