Friday night’s alright for fighting! Monday, May 12 2008

So, Friday night I met Catherinette and Foxy out at a restaurant named for a number by a certain park in the city. (I’m being coy for the search engines folks.) Like the total rockstar I am, I had fallen asleep on the couch earlier in the evening and Catherinette became concerned upon learning this news and ordered me to get dressed and exit the apartment immediately. My version of immediately is a little slow, so I was really late. But I got there. And I even parked my own car. Take that!

Anyway, Foxy turned into a pumpkin at an early hour but Catherinette and I partied on like good little soldiers. After much discussion we headed to another part of town to a bar neither one of us usually frequents. And after Friday night, likely we never will again.

First of all, it was loud. But we totally knew that was coming, so we were mellow about the situation. We got inside, shoved our way past two couples who were perhaps about to have a very intimate moment in the middle of the bar, and made our way upstairs. We finally shoved into a room that was slightly less crowded and made our way over to the bar. Beers in hand we were starting to feel a bit better about the situation and had gotten to the serious business of mocking the other patrons. There were bad fashion choices and even worse dancing skills. In one notable case, we found ourselves unable to look away. The horrible moves were mesmerizing. And hilarious.

All was well and good until the bar fights started. First there was beer all over the floor, then there was a pile of men duking it out. The bad dancer even stopped dancing so he could take in the scene. The staff broke it up, we shrugged a little, and went back to our beers. That’s when the second fight went down. More men on the floor… this time dangerously close to where we stood. And the bad dancer started cheering this time. The music was turned off, the lights came on, and security was paged. We downed the remainder of our beers and got out of dodge with a resolution never to return. Which was renewed when we scurried past the police on the way out.

Yes folks, that’s right. It is nothing but KLASSY when we go out together. You know you want in on this action.

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Boozin’ Bloggers Night Out Wednesday, Apr 16 2008

So I teased earlier with a little recap of my girl date with the fabulous Cathrinette Singleton. I even posted a picture. I want you to understand though, what happened to that picture was necessary. We were simply that hot. It was barely manageable. I did it for your protection, honestly. Seriously, the other people at the bar hardly knew what to do. The bartenders were drawn to us. It was clearly quite a situation. Just know I tried to spare you all from the danger.

We did start at the Chesapeake Wine Company, but that was just a wine tasting warm up. The main dish was at three… Okay, the main cocktails and the main dish. Mainly the three… cocktail and one of the hottest men I’ve ever encountered, Cool Hand Luke (CHL). Mmmmm…. hot man and fabulous drinks. I wasn’t sure which one I liked more. Okay, that is a wee exaggeration. Definitely the man.

I also need to tell you that I met the fatastic Lola as well. She fit right in with our hotness and we made quite the trio sitting at the bar. And thankfully, unlike some of the other patrons, we were not dressed like scary triplets. Because seriously, who does that???

I would also like to point out that none of us ordered a Natty Boh. That’s right, apparently that needs to be said. As we were sitting there chatting up Cool Hand Luke, we saw what I can only describe as drunken little teenyboppers at the end of the bar. The girls were grabbing at each other and pretending to offer girl-on-girl action to get the bartender’s attention. (Which totally didn’t work by the way!) When he finally did go over and tell them all about the fabulous specialty martinis they had that evening, the bleach blonde of the bunch struck her cutest pose (which totally wasn’t) and ordered a Natty freakin’ Boh. Seriously. Luckily they left soon after.

After that my evening was a blur of incredible cocktails, 5 million trips to the bathroom (Was Catherinette feeding me all that water to keep me from getting a hangover or to keep me away from the bartenders???), and tons of laughter. And with some quick hugs goodbye, we piled back into Catherinette’s car and headed back to mine.

And as we were approaching the garage where I had parked, we saw it. The single funniest thing I’d seen all night. Catherinette blurted out “That guy is peeing!”. And he was. He was totally standing next to his car in the middle of a mostly empty parking lot, just letting it all go. We both looked and snickered, then rounded the next corner. And as we did, we saw his girlfriend, sitting in the passenger seat of the car laughing her ass off. Too funny.

We both made it safely home that night. The next morning I sent a text to my new girl friend saying simply “Aside from the 5 MILLION times I peed in the middle of the night, I’m fine. No cocktail flu here. Hope you’re good too.”

And you better believe we’ll be doing it all again soon.

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Saturday Night Sunday, Apr 13 2008

It’s been a while, but I had a date last night. A date with someone new. I was really excited too. I just knew that we were going to hit it off and have a fabulous time together. I stressed over what to wear, I did my makeup super carefully. I primped and fussed and was generally nervous. Because this was not just any date. This was a girl date with none other than the fabulous Catherinette Singleton of Bridget Jones Has Nothing on Me.

Honestly it’s a miracle the entire metropolis of Baltimore did not implode due to the fantastic force of the two of us combined. Seriously, we are just that fabulous. It was obvious to everyone around us. We are hot, single, and together there is no cocktail we can’t conquer. People are still talking about it. Especially that one bartender…. but I digress.

Anyway, I want to write about it more, but right now I have an exclusive just for all of you. I mean, obviously Catherinette and I are not exactly blogging under our true identities here. (Seriously, you don’t think my name is actually Jane Wonder, right?) Right. But I have here an absolute exclusive just for you. A REAL PICTURE OF US as seen last night. It’s an absolute exclusive, never before seen…. blahblahblah. Right after the cut, just for you.

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