La Vida Vegas Wednesday, Jul 9 2008

When Wednesday finally came around, QTMama and I were going nuts. We texted all morning. We were positively giddy. So imagine how I felt when my flight was delayed. Then she started texting me to say how great her vacation was starting off and I got a little bummed. I promptly felt guilty because her flight got delayed too and both of us ended up getting to Vegas fabulously late. But we got there!

We promptly headed off to meet up with her Irishman and then out for late night/early morning booze. Yep, we started off in true Vegas style and we just never looked back.

I think Thursday was my favorite day. After not nearly enough sleep we grabbed a quick breakfast and met up with The Set Up. Seemed well enough, so we headed off for a day of fun in the sun at the hotel pool. (Because really, what better way to judge a set up then to immediately throw on bathing suits and expose all our worst figure flaws? Right.) Whatever, there was lots of fun and lots of beer. I was a wee bit tipsy as we headed up to the rooms to get ready.

Now, a quick word about the room. The Set Up was staying at the hotel that night and we had arranged to have two beds in my room so he could crash out on one. Alas, this did not go so well as the room contained only one giant king bed. After a minimum of cursing, we decided we could just lump it and never look back. After all, this is Vegas baby!

Anyway, a few shower negotiations later and we were ready to head out the door. Please note, there was no nap involved. So QTMama and I were now heading out for a night in Vegas after 3 hours of sleep and all day at a pool. I am convinced at this point that my blood had turned to pure booze and that’s the only reason I was still moving.

We hit the strip and got our groove on. Or whatever. There was dancing and booze, ok? And it was good. But after about 3 AM we decided it was time for a little old style Vegas and we headed over to Fremont St. to experience true Vegas style. To be honest, I’m not sure where we started off. I just remember lots of booze. And suddenly The Set Up came up with a grand idea. I had expressed an innate fear of table games. So 4 AM or so seemed a grand time to break me in, and we went in search of a dollar BlackJack table. Everyone assured me it would be totally non-threatening but I had my doubts.

In the end we managed to find a $5 BlackJack table and that was good enough for me. The four of use sat down and had the whole table to ourselves. As we started playing, the Irishman declared that getting blackjack equals kisses and proceeded to plant a huge one on QTMama as she won that round. The Set Up and I kind of looked around absently pretending not to notice. That is, right up until the Irishman leaned over and asked me… “If The Set Up gets blackjack, does he get kisses too?” There was a moment of silence and The Set Up looked at me expectantly. You see that clearly there was only one answer to this question. “Ummmm…. sure!” Of course, next hand I got blackjack. The dealer was highly amused at this point, as were QTMama and the Irishman. I think The Set Up had been waiting for some kind of opening all night and this was clearly it. While everyone watched he planted one on me. I got all flustered and red and probably giggled stupidly while everyone laughed at me.

Now, I think that man knew how to rig a table. Or something. Because after that he started cleaning up and much blackjack was had. And as we had just established, blackjack equals kisses so there were a whole lot of those too. The dealer spent a great deal of time laughing at us. In fact she wasn’t sure if we were playing for chips or kisses anymore as kisses seemed to get more cheers. And folks, there were a lot of kisses.

Alas, blackjack could not last forever. Eventually, all kisses aside, we all went belly up. So we collected our booze and headed off for the next adventure. Which I will tell you about in my next entry.

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The Set Up Monday, Jun 30 2008

So we have covered that QTMama and I are heading off to Vegas (in TWO DAYS!!!). There will be booze, a fabulous hotel, booze, bars, booze, music, and maybe… ummmm…. booze. But I believe we failed to mention the other feature of this trip.

Now before I tell you this, you must understand that QTMama and I are planning on having a blast. In fact, Vegas may implode due to our utter fabulosity all concentrated in one tiny place. The main focus of us going together is to join forces to conquer the universe. Seriously. Oh yeah, and so she can see her IrishMan. Whatever.

But the thing we haven’t been telling you is that there’s also a set up. Oh yes, the infamous set up. The IrishMan has a single friend. QTMama is bringing a single friend. Hmmmm…. whatever might happen? A set up, that’s what.

Single people are usually firmly divided on the topic of set ups. In one camp, you have the haters. They don’t want you trying to choose a mate for them. They are not interested in your hand outs. They are frequently tricked into the set up because they are ever resistant. In the other camp, there are the set up friendly. These folks have not had much luck picking people for themselves and are grateful to hand the reigns over to someone else for a while. For the record, I fall into the friendly camp.

The theory here is simple. I have clearly done a horrible job picking men for myself. I have actually married two men who I promptly divorced. And most others I can’t even be bothered to keep around for longer than an hour or so, if that. And if, by some small miracle, I manage to keep them around? There is no worry that I will run away and marry another as all of the ones who are allowed to stay are also allergic to any level of committment. That’s a fantastically horrible track record. Add to that the fact that I am now farming the internet for men because I am entirely incapable of meeting one in day to day interactions. So what’s to lose by letting someone else pick for a while? I mean seriously, it can’t be any worse.

Back to Vegas. Booze booze booze… and The Set Up. Doesn’t that just sound like a blog post waiting to happen?

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Leavin’ (for) Las Vegas Tuesday, Jun 17 2008

So gentle readers, riddle me this: What could possibly be more dangerous than a One Date Wonder let loose in Sin City? I mean, that seems kind of like a recipe for insanity, right? Picture it… men, booze, sweltering heat, gambling….. right. That’s what I’m saying. And yet, I assure you, there is something more dangerous yet.

Pairing that One Date Wonder up with a rockin’ QTMama and letting them both run free through the streets!

That’s right, QTMama and I are packing it up and going to Vegas in just over two weeks. Kids and cats will remain at home and we will be let loose in the insane heat of Las Vegas. That town may never be the same.

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Friday night’s alright for fighting! Monday, May 12 2008

So, Friday night I met Catherinette and Foxy out at a restaurant named for a number by a certain park in the city. (I’m being coy for the search engines folks.) Like the total rockstar I am, I had fallen asleep on the couch earlier in the evening and Catherinette became concerned upon learning this news and ordered me to get dressed and exit the apartment immediately. My version of immediately is a little slow, so I was really late. But I got there. And I even parked my own car. Take that!

Anyway, Foxy turned into a pumpkin at an early hour but Catherinette and I partied on like good little soldiers. After much discussion we headed to another part of town to a bar neither one of us usually frequents. And after Friday night, likely we never will again.

First of all, it was loud. But we totally knew that was coming, so we were mellow about the situation. We got inside, shoved our way past two couples who were perhaps about to have a very intimate moment in the middle of the bar, and made our way upstairs. We finally shoved into a room that was slightly less crowded and made our way over to the bar. Beers in hand we were starting to feel a bit better about the situation and had gotten to the serious business of mocking the other patrons. There were bad fashion choices and even worse dancing skills. In one notable case, we found ourselves unable to look away. The horrible moves were mesmerizing. And hilarious.

All was well and good until the bar fights started. First there was beer all over the floor, then there was a pile of men duking it out. The bad dancer even stopped dancing so he could take in the scene. The staff broke it up, we shrugged a little, and went back to our beers. That’s when the second fight went down. More men on the floor… this time dangerously close to where we stood. And the bad dancer started cheering this time. The music was turned off, the lights came on, and security was paged. We downed the remainder of our beers and got out of dodge with a resolution never to return. Which was renewed when we scurried past the police on the way out.

Yes folks, that’s right. It is nothing but KLASSY when we go out together. You know you want in on this action.

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Boozin’ Bloggers Night Out Wednesday, Apr 16 2008

So I teased earlier with a little recap of my girl date with the fabulous Cathrinette Singleton. I even posted a picture. I want you to understand though, what happened to that picture was necessary. We were simply that hot. It was barely manageable. I did it for your protection, honestly. Seriously, the other people at the bar hardly knew what to do. The bartenders were drawn to us. It was clearly quite a situation. Just know I tried to spare you all from the danger.

We did start at the Chesapeake Wine Company, but that was just a wine tasting warm up. The main dish was at three… Okay, the main cocktails and the main dish. Mainly the three… cocktail and one of the hottest men I’ve ever encountered, Cool Hand Luke (CHL). Mmmmm…. hot man and fabulous drinks. I wasn’t sure which one I liked more. Okay, that is a wee exaggeration. Definitely the man.

I also need to tell you that I met the fatastic Lola as well. She fit right in with our hotness and we made quite the trio sitting at the bar. And thankfully, unlike some of the other patrons, we were not dressed like scary triplets. Because seriously, who does that???

I would also like to point out that none of us ordered a Natty Boh. That’s right, apparently that needs to be said. As we were sitting there chatting up Cool Hand Luke, we saw what I can only describe as drunken little teenyboppers at the end of the bar. The girls were grabbing at each other and pretending to offer girl-on-girl action to get the bartender’s attention. (Which totally didn’t work by the way!) When he finally did go over and tell them all about the fabulous specialty martinis they had that evening, the bleach blonde of the bunch struck her cutest pose (which totally wasn’t) and ordered a Natty freakin’ Boh. Seriously. Luckily they left soon after.

After that my evening was a blur of incredible cocktails, 5 million trips to the bathroom (Was Catherinette feeding me all that water to keep me from getting a hangover or to keep me away from the bartenders???), and tons of laughter. And with some quick hugs goodbye, we piled back into Catherinette’s car and headed back to mine.

And as we were approaching the garage where I had parked, we saw it. The single funniest thing I’d seen all night. Catherinette blurted out “That guy is peeing!”. And he was. He was totally standing next to his car in the middle of a mostly empty parking lot, just letting it all go. We both looked and snickered, then rounded the next corner. And as we did, we saw his girlfriend, sitting in the passenger seat of the car laughing her ass off. Too funny.

We both made it safely home that night. The next morning I sent a text to my new girl friend saying simply “Aside from the 5 MILLION times I peed in the middle of the night, I’m fine. No cocktail flu here. Hope you’re good too.”

And you better believe we’ll be doing it all again soon.

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Saturday Night Sunday, Apr 13 2008

It’s been a while, but I had a date last night. A date with someone new. I was really excited too. I just knew that we were going to hit it off and have a fabulous time together. I stressed over what to wear, I did my makeup super carefully. I primped and fussed and was generally nervous. Because this was not just any date. This was a girl date with none other than the fabulous Catherinette Singleton of Bridget Jones Has Nothing on Me.

Honestly it’s a miracle the entire metropolis of Baltimore did not implode due to the fantastic force of the two of us combined. Seriously, we are just that fabulous. It was obvious to everyone around us. We are hot, single, and together there is no cocktail we can’t conquer. People are still talking about it. Especially that one bartender…. but I digress.

Anyway, I want to write about it more, but right now I have an exclusive just for all of you. I mean, obviously Catherinette and I are not exactly blogging under our true identities here. (Seriously, you don’t think my name is actually Jane Wonder, right?) Right. But I have here an absolute exclusive just for you. A REAL PICTURE OF US as seen last night. It’s an absolute exclusive, never before seen…. blahblahblah. Right after the cut, just for you.

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