Random Saturday, May 17 2008

It is just a random Saturday morning in my mind. Naturally, I’m inviting you all to visit for a bit.

• My cat threw up somewhere this morning. I heard her do it and have no idea where she was. I need to find that.
• Zombie guy and I still talk sometimes. He wants to be friends. Every time he IMs me, all I can think of is him naked. This is not good.
• I have been jonesing for a ginger mojito for at least a week now. If I don’t get one tonight, I’m quite possibly going to shrivel up and die.
• I need to lose weight, but am kind of unwilling to diet. I only need to lose a little. Think I can find a way to do this? (I know you’re going to tell me to exercise, I just know it.)
• I am still waffling about having Mr. Big move in with me. Part of me has some very compelling reasons why it is a terrible idea.
• I need to schedule a yearly check up for the cat. Why did that not occur to me when she was vomiting? That’s weird.
• For some reason I like to eat leftovers without reheating them. Of just about anything. I’m pretty sure this disgusts the majority of the population. Sorry about that.
• I should really buy the soundtrack to Rent. Why haven’t I done that before now?

See? My mind is a scary place to be.

7 Responses »

 

New Dating Rule! Tuesday, Apr 15 2008

I have a new dating rule. That’s right, even seasoned One Date Wonders can learn new tricks of the trade. But after some personal experience and careful analysis of conversations with other women, I have developed this new important dating tenet: Once you have broken up with someone, DO NOT EVER GO BACK!

It doesn’t matter who did the breaking up. It doesn’t matter why. Once it’s over, it’s over. Walk away. Don’t look back. And for the love of Pete, do not make excuses. Do not foster illusions. Do not create little fantasies in your head about how you really can live happily ever after. It happened for a reason. Accept that and walk away. Trust me, this is the only way to retain sanity.

How did I learn this lovely little lesson? Well, you’d think the second divorce would have taught me. We had been engaged, broken it off, then got re-engaged and married. Clearly that did not end well. But no… that apparently was not sufficient. What it took to teach me this lesson once and for all was that combined with…… zombie guy.

That’s right, zombie guy. He broke it off once and I didn’t let it go. I poked it until he came back around. I held onto him. I had little fantasies about what a fun time we could have. I may have, at one point, envisioned tiny little zombies of my own. That is, right up until Sunday morning when he started to tell me all about this girl he’s been seeing and how he really likes her. I cut him off and killed the conversation. I think we both understood the problem after a moment. He apologized. So did I. We haven’t spoken since.

Am I happy? No. will I be okay? Yes. Do I have visions of future sleepovers with him? Not really. I’ve wised up. I’m walking away. No more zombie guy. Just simply….. no more. I am killing this undead chapter of my dating life once and for all.

(I just wish it didn’t sting like this. Because we barely knew each other. And yet…. this one burns just a little.)

So let me reiterate this all important lesson one more time. Because at some point in any single gal’s life, we will all contemplate the validity of this rule. We will all flirt with breaking it. Most of us even will. But it will not end well… in fact most horrible break up stories start when you get back together with your ex. So seriously. Just don’t.

14 Responses »

 

Sleeping together Friday, Apr 4 2008

Today I’d like to talk about an interesting and often very dangerous aspect of dating in general; the sleepover. The sleepover is often elusive and often sought after, but then again sometimes it’s not. It’s also a very sensitive subject and a time frought with dating danger. What should you wear to bed? Will your partner want to cuddle, or will they retreat? Which side of the bed belongs to whom? What if someone snores, or farts, or hogs the covers? What about bed head and morning breath? It’s really a wonder we get there at all.

In my not-so-humble experience, the sleepover can be rare. I’m sure there are many variables that figure into this observation, of course. The types of people you choose to date, age range, etc. But let me just lay it out there as something I have been unable to get a whole lot of and consequently the thing I miss absolutely the most. I mean a good tumble is worth quite a bit of course. But the sleepover is solid gold for me.

Of course this comes about because last night, the elusive sleepover was mine. Zombie guy had asked me out earlier in the week and we decided on a movie for Thursday night. When it came down to the wire, he said he’d just meet me at my place. I was sure there was no sleepover goodness because it is that time and sleeping would really be the extent of our activities. After he got in the door last night and we took a break from the kissing hello, he asked if he could stay over. I promptly shared my dilemma. And he totally shrugged it off with a “So what?”. And so it was that he slept over last night.

Zombie guy is the best kind of sleepover there really is. He stays regardless of whether or not there is sexin’. He is flexible about the side of the bed, although he does have a preference so I gave a little for him this time. He doesn’t care who hogs the covers or ever mention the prescence or absence of weird bodily noises. And he cuddles. Oh my does he cuddle. If I am curled up against his back and change position, he will roll over to cuddle up against me just to maintain contact. He is pleasantly warm but not furnace-like, he nuzzles, and he makes happy little noises when I snuggle into him. And he never complains about things being too hot, too cold, too dark, too bright, too loud, or whatever else they might be. He just snuggles closer and falls back asleep.

This morning I went to work with a grin on my face and a glow that I’m sure will be misinterpreted. All we did was sleep. But damn, was it good.

6 Responses »

 

At a loss Sunday, Mar 30 2008

You know, funny thing about the undead. They sort of never…. die. Hence the name, undead, of course. Of course if you text message them to say you miss talking to them, that is likely to encourage their undead tendencies, I’ll admit. But still, they don’t have to answer, you know?

What does this mean? It means that even a savvy One Date Wonder does not always operate with the greatest of intelligence. It means I was the one who sent that text message, and I sent it to the zombie guy. And it means he answered. Yesterday I went over to his place for lunch.

There was no hug hello at the door, there was really no touching at all. I was trying to decide he just wanted to be friends as I ate my pizza and pretended to care about whatever he put on tv. He told me all about how April is going to be romance free for him. No dating, no sex, no romantic thoughts at all until May. Effective immediately. I finished my pizza and put down my plate. Then he kissed me.

It was not a friendly kiss. It was hands in my hair, knee-melting, full on kissing. It definitely required romantic thoughts of some variety. He told me he was breaking his rule. We kissed some more. He didn’t seem to mind so much.

Before I left he decided he’d still take his April break. I don’t know what that means or what I should do. In fact, I’m completely at a loss.

5 Responses »

 

So we hope Sunday, Mar 23 2008

You what what the worst thing is? When you know something in advance, see it coming, and still let it happen. When you stare a situation in the eye and know it will end badly, but you still don’t get out. When you make the stupid mistake anyway. And why did you do it? Hope. Hope is the most damning emotion and a One Date Wonder’s worst enemy every time.

I met a good guy. One who wanted a long term relationship. One who spent the night. One who was very very different from me and what I usually look for. So I hoped. I hoped that opposites could complement each other. That I’d at least have the chance to find out. That dating is not always a laundry list of desirable qualities but more individuals meeting and meshing. I hoped that this good guy who spent the night might be something to hold onto.

Every good One Date Wonder knows that hope like that only leads to sadness. And so it was. First there was a fight that probably neither one of us could explain. He asked a question, I gave an answer that hit him wrong, suddenly he was grabbing his shoes and heading for the door. He yelled, I retreated. He shut the door behind him. I locked it, sat down, and cried. Not because I was so head over heels for him. Not because my heart was broken. Not because he was the love of my life. But because he was the first time I’d dared to hope in quite some time. And all it turned out to be was a reminder of why hope is the enemy.

The zombie guy is gone. He called tonight. He didn’t want me to feel bad. He didn’t know what the right thing to do was, but he was trying to do it. We are two very different people. He doesn’t know how that will work out in the long run. The truth is, he’s right. I know he’s right. I knew it before the first date. But he was funny, and charming, and sweet. So I set it aside and hoped. And today I remember why that is the wrong thing to do. But what is the alternative?

So we hope. We hope that there is something out there. We hope with each date that we may have found what we are looking for. We hope because if we give up hope, there is nothing left. No dates, no happily ever after, none of it. So we hope.

One Response »

 

Dilemma of the Undead Thursday, Mar 20 2008

Well, I figure I owe you all an update. The truth is, I’ve been avoiding this because I don’t know what to say. My redheaded zombie guy was a great date. We went out to a nice place in the city where he made sure I had a place to park. It was BYOB so he brought a nice bottle of wine to go with the meal. He totally picked up the check.

After we left there, we went to his part of town (where he again had a lot for me to park in) and sat in his local bar for a while. Despite all the crazy noise and other distractions, he held my hand and talked to me while we nursed our beers. We went out into the street for a walk, and he kissed me. Not only did he buy dinner, the wine, and then the beer… but he was a rather fabulous kisser. You know how kissing is not all about the mouth mechanics, right? (Hint… it’s totally not.) He knew too. His hands were cupping my face, his fingers running through my hair…. yeah. It was hot. All of this on the side streets in the city. I hardly knew what to do.

Here’s the thing. He’s a hipster kind of dude. You know the type. A software developer for a startup in town. Living in an old townhouse with two other guys. A mattress on the floor kind of dude. He doesn’t do well with rules and wears Buddy Holly glasses. He has a soul patch. He’s an atheist and a vegetarian. I am a yuppie sort of girl. I have an upscale brand new apartment. Everything in my place is decorated just so. I have cleaning people. I have a job with a huge entity in IT. I drive everywhere. I was raised in the suburbs. I eat meat and believe in god.

He always has me feeling slightly off balance. Just ever so slightly confused. Not completely sure if he’s really into me. Then he’ll say something sweet, or hold me, or tangle his hands in my hair again and I forget about it. I’ve been out of town this week and he’s called me every night. And we’ve only really been on two dates.

Normally I’d shrug it off and keep on going. But, you see, there’s the (not so) tiny matter of Mr.Big. Right. Oh shit. That right there is another post entirely.

3 Responses »

 

Breaking the Rules Thursday, Mar 13 2008

Dear readers, you may be about to witness why a true One Date Wonder has rules that must be followed. We have discussed in the past the need to avoid having first date expectations, the sanity in staying emotionally detached during the time leading up to a first date, and the reasons for doing so. In case you have forgotten, let me reiterate. Creating expectations and attachments prior to a first date invariably causes let down. The guy is never what you thought he was, doesn’t look like he did in the pictures, and couldn’t cause a spark in you if he doused you in gasoline and threw a match in your general direction. Invariably he turns out to have the chemistry of someone’s cat with you and/or demonstrates some other fatal first date flaw. In the past, this has manifested as extrme cheapness, living with the parents (without good reason), boring conversationalists, bad teeth, etc. Surely you see the point. The rule is to expect nothing and don’t be surprised if that’s exactly what you get.

Alas, last night the zombie guy called me. (I tried to give him another nickname, I really did. But this one is sticky and I can’t make it go away. Just know it’s not a personality comment, it’s just about the way we met.) We talked for over an hour and a half. I finally had to outright tell him I had to get sleep and artificially cut off the conversation. He is funny. He makes me laugh. And there’s more.

Zombie guy appears to be an elusive dating sort. He knows up front what he wants. He wants a girlfriend. He is clear that he’s not going to grab the first female who bats her eyelashes at him just because, but he definitely would prefer to be in relationship. He’s clear up front about this. In between jokes and other silly declarations, this is a serious moment of conversation. And he pre-screens during that intial conversation to make sure I am not a dating dead end. He also makes it abundantly clear that he is paying for dinner. All of it. Which makes him immediately better than at least my last two dates.

I could go on, but I won’t. You get the point. I have expectations. I am a little attached to the idea of him. If the truth varies significantly from what I’m building in my mind, you will witness exactly why these rules exist. If it doesn’t, you will witness one very shocked One Date Wonder. Either way, it should be disturbing for me and amusing for you. So, you know, sit tight.

Leave a Response »

 

Dating for the Undead Wednesday, Mar 12 2008

You know, it’s been getting a little serious around here lately. I’ve been sporting my melancholy suit and just bringing the whole atmosphere down. That won’t do. So today I’m going to tell you about the guy I picked up talking about zombies. That’s right folks, it’s dating for the undead here in One Date Wonderland!

So here’s this redheaded guy with glasses on a dating site. And he’s tall. Already I swoon. But as I’m looking over his profile, I see he has taken all of these zombie survivalist tests…. and nothing else. Now my usual method of approaching that delicate first email situation is to pick out a detail (the sillier the better) and write up a goofy message based on that. In the past, I have used monkeys (more than once), paper clips, and now zombies. One of two things happens with this approach. Either the guy runs for cover, or he’s silly enough to date me. At least once, that is.

My redheaded zombie is silly indeed. We have now started what is easily the funniest ongoing email exchange I’ve ever had. And there is more zombie talk in it than I have ever had for sure. He is aggressive enough to ask me out without me hinting around at it. In fact, that zombie boy is already making his move. And despite everything, I am ever optimistic.

I simply can’t call this man the zombie. I will have to ponder a better name for him. In the meantime, maybe I should start writing a guide for dating the undead. I’m sure that’s a topic we haven’t seen covered before.

Leave a Response »